It was non school uniform today. I hated it! I had nothing to wear and i felt fat all day. I got stuck in my big red jumper and stuck with my french and stuck with my stupid stupid friend. I HATE HER. She is stupid and boring and selfish and every moment i spend with her i want to scream at her. How dare you laugh at my problems, i would never do that to you, you don't seem to get that not everyone is in the same average gummy bear bubble as you. I HATE YOU! She mocks me and calls me weird but i don't care because when i leave this horrible stupid ugly place i am never looking back. I feel so alone and no one understands me. No one cares apart from my mum and i hate everyone else. Now she's left to go out because no one would want to ever spend their Friday evening with me. No one understands me and that's probably why instead of doing all these 'normal' teenage things like going out I'm sitting in my room with the door shut in my pink pyjamas crying and writing this. Well guess what world i don't give two fucks what you want and expect me to be. I HATE YOU ALL! All you've ever done is laugh at me and whisper behind me and bully me because I'm not like you, i don't speak or think or talk or look like you. I feel so alone and i hate it here, i can't cope and i can't go on wasting my life. I'm better than this. If i died it would be more of a loss than every single person in this city dying. This life is so fucking exhausting, every day is the same. Every day is too long and what is the point. I'm never going to use any of the shit you are shoving down my throat. I'd rather die and sleep because every night when i go to bed i dread waking up the next day and every morning all i can think is here we go again. Apparently i need 'help', well of course i fucking do. That's another thing i hate about EVERYONE, all conversation is so pointless. It's a series of questions you already know the answer to and words repeated and exchanged until the end of time. Anyway i don't want help, i want to go. I don't want to die and i don't want to live; I'm stuck. I just want a middle path. I don't know what to do. I get therapy in April but it's not going to work because i don't want it to because i don't want to live like this. It hurts and when it doesn't ache i long for it to hurt because at least it's feeling and anything is better than feeling empty and lonely.